Ethan's Love Pats

I love this picture. I was patting the babies while talking about them to my parents. Ethan was watching and decided he wanted to "pat the babies" too. I'm sure he just thought it was fun to copy mommy and pat my big belly but I can pretend he really was trying to love his brothers and tell them that he was there, cheering them on.

I miss...

• crawling around on the ground chasing after Ethan, tackling him and tickling him while he giggles uncontrolably.
• sleeping in the same bed as my husband.
• baking cookies and trying new recipes.
• going for a walk around the neighborhood.
• shopping at Target and grocery shoppping at Winco.
• vaccumming.
• the smell of my house.
• cooking for then eating dinner with my husband.
• giving Ethan a bath.
• taking a bubble bath of my own.
• driving.
• wearing a dress/skirt - looking "pretty."
• being the caregiver.
• kissing both of my boys whenever I want.

Ethan's Froggie Pool Adventures at Grandpa and Granny's House

Ethan had tons of fun with Granny and Grandpa in Spokane these past couple weeks. Grandpa got him a Froggie pool that he very much loved. His favorite part was the sprinkler feature. He also loved running and diving in head first. He's quite the water bug.

My Healed Heart

I am a slow reader and really have a hard time finding time to read at home. This period of bedrest though has given me much opportunity to catch up on books I've wanted to read but haven't taken the time to. I started the Harry Potter series and am onto #5 but have taken a week or so off from it. They are so fun but I needed a break.

Thursday I had a really tough day - just missing David and Ethan. More than just missing them, I think. I really was missing taking care of them and being the Wife and Mother figure to them. I felt like I haven't taken care of them in so very long...everyone has been taking care of me. I was feeling useless and purposeless (besides the fact that I'm trying to help these babies to grow and get their bodies healthy - but I wasn't thinking about that).

I tried watching movies but that didn't help. I couldn't sleep and I really didn't feel like doing anything. I remembered bringing some books about the Savior with me so I pulled one out. My step-mom, Lori, brought it over for me to read when she came to stay with us back in June. I thought I would give it a try finally.

It's called The Peacegiver, by James L. Ferrell. I read it all the way through in one afternoon (that's pretty good for me). I can't tell you how much I needed it. It allowed me the chance to ponder about the Savior's role in my life and helped me find deeper testimony in the Atonement. The scripture stories that it pulled messages from were so perfect. I hadn't even remembered reading about one of them before. It made me forget about my little worries and sadness and lift my thoughts to a completely different level - which was precisely what I needed.

I've really been feeling the need to study Jesus Christ's life and I think this was the perfect way to get me started. By feeling a deeper love for Him and recognizing His love for me on a deeper level, it's gotten me more motivated to really start building my testimony and studying more. I know the basics - the stories that have been taught to me since primary - but I want to really know Him better.

Here are some of the truths I found while reading this book: Through His atoning sacrifice, I know that he has provided me with everything I need to overcome all my sins, heartache, mistakes, pain and loss. That because of Him, I can forgive anyone and everyone and be truly happy and at peace. I can be freed from the bonds of sin that so quickly surround me when I fall. His healing power is beyond comprehension but as real to me as anything I've ever known.

I'm so grateful I know these things. I am grateful I know He loves me, individually - that His suffering was for everyone, but also that it was for me personally. The healing that took place in my lonesome and sad heart on Thursday was only through my Savior and His amazing love for me.

Today's Ultrasound

This morning's ultrasound went really well. The sonographer who did it today was much more thorough than Tuesday's. It took about an hour and 20 min. this time - about what the last ultrasound should have been, but oh well. She had to get Elijah at a difficult angle and then had a hard time finding fluid around Emren. The doctor came in though and double checked things. She said that his stomach looked full and that was a good sign that there was ample amounts around him at least a while ago in order for him to have swallowed it. Levels change all the time so I'm sure even by now he has a bit more around him than earlier.

I like being able to see them so often. Even though it's hard to see things clearly, it's nice to watch them and see all of their parts (kind of) before they're even here. I like knowing how they're sitting/laying on or around eachother...it's fun! Elijah is still bum down and Emren is head down. Their heads are on opposite sides of eachother with Elijah's on the right and Emren's on the left. I wonder if Elijah has been kicking Emren's head lately because I've felt a lot of kicks in that area the past couple of days. They're probably both kicking eachother's heads! Ethan better get prepared.