I am a slow reader and really have a hard time finding time to read at home. This period of bedrest though has given me much opportunity to catch up on books I've wanted to read but haven't taken the time to. I started the Harry Potter series and am onto #5 but have taken a week or so off from it. They are so fun but I needed a break.
Thursday I had a really tough day - just missing David and Ethan. More than just missing them, I think. I really was missing taking care of them and being the Wife and Mother figure to them. I felt like I haven't taken care of them in so very long...everyone has been taking care of me. I was feeling useless and purposeless (besides the fact that I'm trying to help these babies to grow and get their bodies healthy - but I wasn't thinking about that).
I tried watching movies but that didn't help. I couldn't sleep and I really didn't feel like doing anything. I remembered bringing some books about the Savior with me so I pulled one out. My step-mom, Lori, brought it over for me to read when she came to stay with us back in June. I thought I would give it a try finally.
It's called The Peacegiver, by James L. Ferrell. I read it all the way through in one afternoon (that's pretty good for me). I can't tell you how much I needed it. It allowed me the chance to ponder about the Savior's role in my life and helped me find deeper testimony in the Atonement. The scripture stories that it pulled messages from were so perfect. I hadn't even remembered reading about one of them before. It made me forget about my little worries and sadness and lift my thoughts to a completely different level - which was precisely what I needed.
I've really been feeling the need to study Jesus Christ's life and I think this was the perfect way to get me started. By feeling a deeper love for Him and recognizing His love for me on a deeper level, it's gotten me more motivated to really start building my testimony and studying more. I know the basics - the stories that have been taught to me since primary - but I want to really know Him better.
Here are some of the truths I found while reading this book: Through His atoning sacrifice, I know that he has provided me with everything I need to overcome all my sins, heartache, mistakes, pain and loss. That because of Him, I can forgive anyone and everyone and be truly happy and at peace. I can be freed from the bonds of sin that so quickly surround me when I fall. His healing power is beyond comprehension but as real to me as anything I've ever known.
I'm so grateful I know these things. I am grateful I know He loves me, individually - that His suffering was for everyone, but also that it was for me personally. The healing that took place in my lonesome and sad heart on Thursday was only through my Savior and His amazing love for me.
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2 comments:
LOVED that book.. it has been a while since I have read it, it is a book I need to read often!
James Farrell has a new book out called the holy secret that I am reading right now, love it.. not as good as the Peacegiver, but good..
oh take care.. this is a time you'll never forget and never get back! it is hard, I really can't imagine what feelings you get to deal with.. I sure think of you and feel for you!
I saw new twin baby girls yesterday, I am at my sister's house.. and I just thought of you!
and I just have to tell you.. it is true - I wasn't for sure.. that curt came out bum first! just folded up! his poor mom! but he was tiny.. so I guess that can happen.. just crazy to think about!
I read that book last year in my book club and thought it was very insightful and thought-provoking. It reminded me in a powerful way that the only person we can change is ourselves--and that's enough--that our attitudes really are everything. One of my favorite parts was about Abigail.
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