Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Ethan is learning so much, so fast! He has known for a while that shoes go on feet but is learning how to get his feet into the "hole" of the shoe. His are a bit small and more tricky so he's been practicing his new skill with Mommy's shoes. David wasn't too excited about our son walking around in women's shoes but I didn't mind so much. I had to capture this new discovery. I'm so proud of how he's trying new things and making so many connections.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
It's kind of sad because you can outwardly see how much he realized we were gone from him. I knew he missed us but I didn't think he minded too much since he's been so well cared for in our absence. I do feel happy though that he knows we love him and are his parents who want to be there for him. I'm happy he still feels like he wants to rely on us and come to us for comfort and love.
When you're away from your little one for so long, you start thinking things. I hope I don't forget how important my role as a mother is to my children. Sometimes, it's easy to forget and to feel like you're quite replaceable. I know my mother isn't to me so I need to remember that for my children. I have things to give them that no one else can. What a beautiful thing!
Friday, August 22, 2008
I got to hold little Elijah yesterday for the first time. It felt soooo good to have his tiny warm body up against mine. He felt like my little baby. I changed his diaper and took his temperature. Then, after he was pretty mad at me for bothering him so much, I got to calm him down by holding him. That's when he received his first feeding too. It was a good feeling to be there for that. I was sad I couldn't stay around for Emren's but I am REALLY looking forward to our next visit. I can't wait to take part in caring for them again. Changing those tiny little diapers is actually such a blessing. I love it so far. I'm sure these things will lose their luster eventually but I am cherishing every minute of them now.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I started having contractions at around midnight - not too strong but definitely real contractions. Then they slowed down quite a bit but got stronger. They continued all throughout the night but weren't getting any closer together. I figured they would go away since they weren't very consistent and really wasn't thinking I was in real labor.
At around 7:45am I went headed to my usual Friday ultrasound session to check on the babies' fluid levels and dopplers. Since I was having the contractions, they wanted to do a cervix check by ultrasound too. By the end of the check, the sonographer didn't tell me anything but I could definitely tell I had dilated from the images I could see.
I got back to the room starving and very thirsty. The nurse came in and announced that my doctor wanted to do an exam and for me not to eat or drink anything. I asked if my cervix had changed and all she said to me was yes. At that time, I knew I was in true labor and that they would need to deliver the babies that day. The doctor came in and did a check very quickly as she was on her way to another delivery. She told me that I needed to get ready for the O.R. because I was going to have these babies very soon.
I started panicking because David hadn't even left work yet and I knew I couldn't go through the delivery without him. The doctor wasn't sure if he would make it in time though since things were happening so quickly. She rushed out and I just bawled as I called David. I told him that he had to hurry here because they were going to start the c-section as soon as they could. He had carpooled with his friend Brad to work that morning so his carpool buddy let David drive his hummer into Seattle, knowing David would need to drive a little quickly. Good friend, huh? Luckily, the O.R. had backed up and they couldn't get me in as quickly as they had wanted to. David arrived safely (despite a bit of brake problems) with even a little time to spare. I couldn't have been more relieved to see him!
We headed to the O.R. and got situated. There were at least five people in there already telling us who they were and what they were going to do. I have no idea what any of their names were or frankly, what most of them did. David got "suited" up in this trendy white jumpsuit , blue hairnet and face mask. I only got to wear this boring old hospital gown. The anaesthesiologist started numbing my back for the spinal. There was a lot of pinching and really thought I should be feeling a lot less. He then moved on to placing the spinal needle in the right spot. However, after 15 minutes or so of sharp, shooting pains down my back (not to mention the contractions hitting me ever few minutes by now) he gave up being able to find the right place and had the other assistant give it a try. I'm not sure what it was but she was able to find the spot on the first try - Thank Goodness! It was like torture and had to be the worst part of the surgery.
The boys popped out so quickly and I was so happy to see that the doctors didn't have to pull them much at all. Elijah was first and then pulled over to his "bed." David was able to cut his cord and watch them clean him off. Emren was out only 35 seconds later and moved over to his "bed" right away. I'm not sure if David was able to see as much of him. After just a few minutes, they got them both cleaned and wrapped in blankets with their little hats on, placed on a transporting bed together and got wheeled by me so that I could peek at them. Then, David followed them up to the NICU.
I stayed there and got all stitched up. It took a little while, it seems. They did a lot of scraping and cleaning out because old membrane separating the boys that had torn and started disintegrating left a big mess. I could see them do some stitching and then use this pen-looking thing that I think was cauterizing tissues together. It made things smell yucky so I'm assuming some burning had to be taking place. Lastly they stapled my skin closed. It was like I was watching a show on TV rather than being the one who the doctors were working on. A very strange feeling!
After all of the surgery was complete, the nurses wheeled me into a recovery room. They started giving me some medicine through an IV that I did not like at all. It took everything for me just to keep my eyes open and my head from swimming. A couple of times I thought I was going to black out. I could barely talk a couple of times. Finally that started wearing off a little and I asked them to cut the dosage in half. The next time I got some of it, it wasn't as bad. I still didn't like it though. I was so groggy and felt completely disconnected from reality. The nurses said that it kind of made you feel like you had taken some kind of street drug that makes you feel "good" but I don't know why anyone would want to feel like that. I felt anything but good.
Once the babies were settled and I was more stable, they took me up to see the boys. They wheeled me on the bed so that was kind of strange. I was glad to at least be able to see them though. They looked so small and helpless but they were alive and wiggling around so I was happy. I wanted to do more for them than just leave them in the hands of the doctors and nurses but there really wasn't much else I could do. I cried on the way back to the room feeling so grateful that they were ok and here but so sad I couldn't be with them.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty blurry for me. Just getting the feeling back into my legs and lower body was a long process. I kept getting so nauseated from the medicine - I felt awful! I couldn't imagine if I was feeling like that but having to take care of them all at the same time. They finally started giving me perkaset and ibuprofen later on that night and took me off of the IV meds. That made my stomach and whole sense of well being much better. I was able to move my legs and body more so I got up to go to the bathroom for the first time I think around 11pm. Everything was painful but I felt so happy to be able to get up and use my body again. By early next morning, they even gave me permission to get up and go all on my own. I was very happy about that! I felt so independent!
I really don't know why anyone would choose to have a c-section over pushing out their baby. I know that every woman has to do what they have to do to get their baby here safely but I just don't know why someone would choose it just to have one. I am so grateful everything went so well and that I'm healing so well. I guess I'm just a big baby but I am hoping that is the last time I have to go through that. Hats off to the many women who have done it a number of times. You are so brave! Now that I know what it's like, I have a new respect for them.
Well, a little sooner than expected, the boys arrived yesterday at 12:22pm. Elijah Thomas was born first weighing 3lbs. 6oz. and measuring 16in. long (pictured left). Emren Bradly (pictured right) came out 35 seconds later (still at 12:22) weighing 3lbs. 3oz. and measuring 15.5in. Daddy got to cut Elijah's cord and then followed them both up to the NICU while they were weighed and settled into their "beds." Mommy had to stay behind and get sewn back together but was later able to be wheeled up to see them a little better.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The doctors have bumped the monitoring up to 4 times a day instead to keep an extra close eye on the cord issues that could occur. And since they've gotten bigger and neither one of them have much fluid around them, it's easier for the cores to get pinched. They are hanging in there though and have been monitoring well despite all the stress they're under. What troopers!
Yesterday one of my docs spoke with me and wanted to make sure I was aware that in most cases of twins sharing one sac, they need to be delivered between 32 and 34 weeks. I'm hoping we can get through the month and into September but I know they will come when it's best for them to. They've been watched over and protected so amazingly thus far - who am I to guess what is best.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Another new bit of info this past week is that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes this time around. At first I was pretty bummed about it. I mean, what else do I have to look forward to on the days I don't have visitors besides what I get to eat. But, after a week of finger poke blood sugar level testing 4 times a day, they have decided that it's really a mild case of it. I have had below level numbers every test. The last couple of days this past week, I started eating the same as I had been eating before and was still passing the tests with normal numbers. They changed the testing to only 2 times a week now and really don't seem too worried about what I'm eating. I'm so happy it turned out to be not such a terrible problem - and really happy I can still enjoy my breads and chocolate!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
- crawling around on the ground chasing after Ethan, tackling him and tickling him while he giggles uncontrolably.
- sleeping in the same bed as my husband.
- baking cookies and trying new recipes.
- going for a walk around the neighborhood.
- shopping at Target and grocery shoppping at Winco.
- the smell of my house.
- cooking for then eating dinner with my husband.
- giving Ethan a bath.
- taking a bubble bath of my own.
- wearing a dress/skirt - looking "pretty."
- being the caregiver.
- kissing both of my boys whenever I want.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Thursday I had a really tough day - just missing David and Ethan. More than just missing them, I think. I really was missing taking care of them and being the Wife and Mother figure to them. I felt like I haven't taken care of them in so very long...everyone has been taking care of me. I was feeling useless and purposeless (besides the fact that I'm trying to help these babies to grow and get their bodies healthy - but I wasn't thinking about that).
I tried watching movies but that didn't help. I couldn't sleep and I really didn't feel like doing anything. I remembered bringing some books about the Savior with me so I pulled one out. My step-mom, Lori, brought it over for me to read when she came to stay with us back in June. I thought I would give it a try finally.
It's called The Peacegiver, by James L. Ferrell. I read it all the way through in one afternoon (that's pretty good for me). I can't tell you how much I needed it. It allowed me the chance to ponder about the Savior's role in my life and helped me find deeper testimony in the Atonement. The scripture stories that it pulled messages from were so perfect. I hadn't even remembered reading about one of them before. It made me forget about my little worries and sadness and lift my thoughts to a completely different level - which was precisely what I needed.
I've really been feeling the need to study Jesus Christ's life and I think this was the perfect way to get me started. By feeling a deeper love for Him and recognizing His love for me on a deeper level, it's gotten me more motivated to really start building my testimony and studying more. I know the basics - the stories that have been taught to me since primary - but I want to really know Him better.
Here are some of the truths I found while reading this book: Through His atoning sacrifice, I know that he has provided me with everything I need to overcome all my sins, heartache, mistakes, pain and loss. That because of Him, I can forgive anyone and everyone and be truly happy and at peace. I can be freed from the bonds of sin that so quickly surround me when I fall. His healing power is beyond comprehension but as real to me as anything I've ever known.
I'm so grateful I know these things. I am grateful I know He loves me, individually - that His suffering was for everyone, but also that it was for me personally. The healing that took place in my lonesome and sad heart on Thursday was only through my Savior and His amazing love for me.
Friday, July 25, 2008
I like being able to see them so often. Even though it's hard to see things clearly, it's nice to watch them and see all of their parts (kind of) before they're even here. I like knowing how they're sitting/laying on or around eachother...it's fun! Elijah is still bum down and Emren is head down. Their heads are on opposite sides of eachother with Elijah's on the right and Emren's on the left. I wonder if Elijah has been kicking Emren's head lately because I've felt a lot of kicks in that area the past couple of days. They're probably both kicking eachother's heads! Ethan better get prepared.